


Staying the Course

by Ds9girl



Series: Staying the Course [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Family, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Oral Sex, Post-Canon Cardassia, Science, Starting A Family, altering course, auroranova
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-06-29 02:27:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15720084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ds9girl/pseuds/Ds9girl
Summary: My hopeful attempt at a sequel to AuroraNova's amazing piece Altering Course but angstier and smuttier. I am no author, but I love the Post Canon Cardassia that she has created and I also am a weirdo who likes mpreg. Yes, this is an mpreg fic, but like One and Only, another great sequel to Altering Course, it is scientific. I feel like 300 years in the future, this could probably be a thing so I'm gonna go with it. Anyway, basically this picks up two years after their wedding where they are extremely happy, but something is missing, whatever could it be? But unfortunately  making their lives complete won't be an easy road.





	1. Catching up with the Cardassians

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Altering Course](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5278406) by [AuroraNova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this is gonna be a ride, well at least I hope it will be. I have never completed something as long as I'm hoping to make this. Also I do need a beta!! Here is my [tumblr](https://ds9girlfics.tumblr.com) if you want to follow for updates about me writing or get in touch about being a beta, or prompt other shit which would be weird because I'm not an author but I can give the the old starfleet academy try! 
> 
> Chapter warnings:  
> Smut, domestic fluff and smut. Smut starts and ends at *** if you don't wanna read cause I am a 21 year old female who is practically a virgin so....

Julian Bashir was not a man who would say he wanted for much. He had been living on Cardassia for over three years now, two of those happily married to his husband, Elim Garak, pur-nim to sub-district 2 in Elgin’kor District, and recently, guest lecturer of literature at Cardassia City University. He was the adoptive uncle of a driven and mature 19-year-old, Inda Rokul, and pseudo uncle to her two younger siblings, 8-year-old Azoon and 10-year-old Hasleny, as well as to her one cousin, 15-year-old Dyrum. Sure, days could be hotter than he preferred for stretches of the year, the air could be too humid and the rebuilding efforts could go a titch faster, but overall, he was a satisfied man. Giving a farewell nod to his colleague and good friend Dr. Peldar, he made his way through the hospital halls, out the doors and to the garage where his personal ground transport was parked. It was not a luxury he felt was necessary, but the Cardassian people and government felt that the security it offered him as Federation Ambassador was warranted, his husband also took comfort in knowing Julian had steel around him and protection from the heat at the peak of summer on his way home. He typically kept autopilot off as he made his way, something about the ritual of turning each corner to his home helped him decompress and readied him for the often loud and hectic, but always warm and welcome, home he had made on this alien planet.

 

Hearing the locking mechanism whir and click, Elim Garak’s mouth twitched into a small smile. Even after two years of marriage, he almost always found himself happy when his husband would walk through the door. Marriage of course was not without its petty arguments, they were vastly different men in many ways, brought up in very different environments. Arguments over how the other may treat an accomplishment or misstep of the children, or how they handled a social situation, were always bound to happen, along with squabbles about temperature, dishes, and a whole number of things that could not be avoided when living together. These spats did not decrease the joy and contentedness Elim felt everyday he woke up and remembered that the man next to him had accepted his courtship, his proposal, and his heart. That Julian was his, and he was Julian’s. Elim was a sentimental man, though he would admit it to few.

The door swung open and Julian made his way over to his husband with a smile. Plopping down next to him on the couch he quickly made himself comfortable with his head in Elim’s lap.

“Hello my dear,” Elim chuckled lightly. “A bit tired are we?”

Julian made a noise of agreement.

“Nothing out of the ordinary, just a long day.” He replied, closing his eyes.

“Well feel free to rest, the kids are in the backyard enjoying the warmth, Dyrum is in his room supposedly preparing for the start of classes next week and it’s Inda’s night to cook.”

Julian continued to follow this suggestion as Elim ran his fingers through his husband’s slightly sweat damp hair, and returned to the padd he had been reading, with a smile still on his face.

 

* * *

 

 

Nearly an hour later, Julian awoke to his husband’s slightly more insistent petting.

“Ss’avi, Inda has called us to the dining room.”

Julian heaved himself up with a noise likely not becoming of a man in his mid-thirties, and pulled his husband up after him. They made their way to the dining room where the kids were already seated and Inda was dishing out a thick stew. The pair sat. Azoon was animatedly describing how they had watched a rengar scurrying through the garden, how it had jumped quickly from rock to rock before it had disappeared into the sparse bushes that lined their fence. Hasleny was nodding along, trying not to seem as excited as her younger brother, but not hiding it well. Elim thought to himself that it was nice to observe that even having lived through the near destruction of their planet, living in desolate housing for months and surviving a famine, had not deprived the youngest two members of their constructed family of the chance to be children, something Elim had not enjoyed fully himself. Dyrum listened quietly to his cousin describing their afternoon as he began to pick at his meal. The boy, despite being in a rather gawky stage of his development, had blossomed greatly from the gloomy child that Elim had first met over three years ago. He still was more guarded than his cousins, Elim couldn’t really fault him for that. While the four Rokuls had created their own family, Dyrum had lost his entire immediate family at an age that he was unlikely to forget. With help from nurses and trained psychiatric staff Julian had been able to finally obtain at the hospital, he had made great steps, but Elim suspected the boy would always be more withdrawn than his cousins.  

“Inda, have all your classes been confirmed for next week? If not there is still an opening in Introduction to Cardassian Literature.” He asked with a small smile, he could anticipate her response by now.

“Uncle, you know that while I am sure you will be quite competent in your new position, I don’t believe taking Cardassian Literature for a second time is necessary.”

“My dear, expanding your knowledge of the art form at the heart of Cardassian culture is always a worthy pursuit! Literature has brought me perspectives, understanding and frankly enjoyment that I could not have obtained anywhere else.”

He made brief eye contact with his husband and his professorial expression softened slightly before he continued.

“Besides, I suspect the lectures will be much improved from last year.”

This earned him a snort from Julian’s direction, which prompted giggles from Azoon and Hasleny. Elim raised an eyeridge at Julian.

“Do you disagree love?”

“Oh of course not, I’m sure the lectures will be very suited for the environment. Reinforcing long held beliefs about sacrifice and service to state to the next generation as they march off to shape Cardassia’s future!”

“Do I sense sarcasm my dear? As one who has sacrificed much for service to the Cardassian state I would think you would be beginning to see the truth in what I teach. But alas, I fear your federation idealism will never be dampened. A pity really.”

He speared a piece of oktar on his fork and popped it into his mouth, eyes daring Julian to continue their argument.  

“Federation idealism? I believe you of all people should know my views of the federation have been far from idealistic for years now. I merely wish to point out that you will be presenting a very old fashioned perspective to a group of young men and woman who have experienced a very different Cardassia than the one you grew up on. Though we both know that was many, many years ago. However, age _has_ softened your edges, you may be more open to new interpretations than I suspect.”

Julian’s eyes glinted, he was enjoying this.

“Age has softened my – my dear your arguments are not on point this evening.”

Elim replied with fake exasperation. Nevertheless, his knee did bump and stay lightly touching that of his husband and his dosset did flush slightly blue. Dyrum rolled his eyes and he muttered something about flirting at the dinner table into his stew that Julian pretended not to hear. Inda was tempted to follow Dyrum’s example, it was nearly impossible to have a light discussion with her uncles without them acting like a couple in courtship. Though, she supposed there could be worse fates.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later, the family is taking advantage of an uncommon collective day off and have made their way down to the riverfront. Julian, having declared the heat to be killing him has followed the younger children into the water where they all were now playing. Julian picks up Azoon over his head and throws him into deeper water as he shrieks with laughter and Hasleny yelling loudly that she wants to go next. Inda, Dyrum and Elim are laid out basking on rocks absorbing the heat. Dyrum is listening to music from his padd, while Inda is questioning Elim about his thoughts on a novel she had been assigned to read for the first week of her classes.

“Your thought process is good, I can clearly understand your arguments. However, I can also clearly see the ways in which I would refute them. If you wish to impress your professors and peers, you must look further beyond the words on the page. Pre-Surak Vulcan literature is very unlike Cardassian. There is more subtext, more prose, it is less clear cut. That is of course not to say that Cardassian literature is simplistic, just more rooted in the culture we know and frankly more elegant.”

“Uncle, I cannot only praise Cardassian literature as an example of what the book should be, I have to attempt to go beyond my culture. Besides, I often do not see the clear-cut lines that you see.”

“You misunderstand me, I would never seriously claim Cardassian literature to be perfection, just more suited for the Cardassian mind. Try to think like a Vulcan, actually, try to think more like a terran. Pre-Surak literature is not what I would call the modern Vulcan perspective. Julian may be able to lend a better perspective. For now, just keep reading with a more interpretive mindset.”

Inda nodded respectfully and returned to her padd. Elim closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the sun. In a few weeks, the temperature would begin to cool. While he was happy that his husband would begin to be more comfortable, and out of risk of developing heat stroke for that matter, he himself would miss the heat beating down on him. He hears his husband laughing with the children, he smiles, and begins to drift.

When he awakes it certainly is not to warmth, it is to a very wet Julian all but jumping on top of him. He gasped, and although he usually welcomed Julian’s bare skin, this was not one of those times.

“ _Julian,_ you are _freezing!_ ”

“Ah, I disagree, I am comfortable for the first time in days.”

“Well I was comfortable until 30 seconds ago. How on Cardassia do Hasleny and Azoon handle that water?”

“With much more insulating swimwear than myself.”

Julian rolled off his husband who promptly dried the cold water from his scales with a towel, glaring slightly in Julian’s direction.

“Oh don’t pout! it’s not exactly a brisk day, you’ll warm up in a minute.”

“Your maturity level suggests you resume playing with the children.”

Julian rolls his eyes.

“Yes, now I would, but they have also declared the water too cold now, and the sun will be going down soon, we should head back home shortly.”

“What how long was I asleep?”

Elim replied noticing now that his husband was correct, the sun was indeed starting to dip slightly lower in the sky.

“A few hours, and I let you sleep even though the kids have been basking for the last hour and I have been oh so lonely.”

“Did Inda not ask for your perspective on her reading assignment?”

“Yes she did, but that only took about 10 minutes before she was back into her padd and I had to go back into the water to avoid the heat.”

“Ah yes, my chilly wakeup call.”

Julian threw his damp towel on Elim’s head.

 

* * *

 

*** 

Julian rocked above Elim, sweat beaded on his forehead and on his back. Elim gripped his hips tightly.

“Oh, Oh God…” Julian moaned, one hand travelled up to play with his nipples, small and pebbled despite the heat. His other hand was slowly pumping his cock. Elim watched his performance intently.

They had been at this for some time. Elim had slowly prepared his husband, knowing now all the ways to turn him into a quivering mess. Lowering him onto the bed, stripping him slowly of both his clothes and his sanity. Starting at his neck working his way down, biting, touching, stroking, licking until he had primed every cell in Julian’s body for pleasure. Slowly opening him with this tongue, then his fingers, driving Julian until he could no longer wait for his husband to take him. Using his augmented strength, Julian had flipped them so he straddled Elim’s upper thighs. Running his fingernails down Elim’s scaled chest causing the Cardassian to hiss, he eventually reached his ajan, already slightly bloomed and glistening, he stroked him with practiced skill until Elim fully everted with a cry, wasting no time, he impaled himself on the thick ridged prUt, greedily taking his pleasure.

Julian arched his back with a cry and Elim shifted, hitting his prostate with learned precision. Julian’s movements sped up as he chased his climax. Elim, while enjoying himself immensely was not as close as Julian appeared to be. Releasing his hips, he trailed his fingers down Julian’s sweat slick back, the human gasped and sped up again. Gripping at his hips once more Elim thrust into his lover in time with his movements.

“Come for me love.” He commanded is a rough voice. Julian lifted himself up, and impaling himself with more force, cried out. The movement of his hand on his cock sped as well.

“Yes! Yes! Oh God Elim!” with a sharp cry followed by a moan, cum splattered across Elim’s chest and abdomen, and Julian fell across him as well. He stroked and bit at Elim’s neck ridges lazily.

“Use me.” he rasped into Elim’s ear.

With a deep chestal growl, Elim flipped their positions once more and did just as requested. Fucking Julian with long but fast strokes. Julian cried out and twitched with oversensitivity, small sounds with each thrust, unable to do anything but take what his husband gave him. Elim felt the heat growing in his groin as he neared completion. He thrust once, twice, three times roughly before pulling Julian as tightly as possible and coming deep within him with a low groan. He stayed there for a moment as his prUt pulsed. Julian, looked up at him with a smile much too sweet for the state they were in. Elim leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss before shifting into anshwar. Julian lightly stroked his aural ridge and down his neck and shoulders and Elim shuddered as his prUt gave another weak pulse.

They remained that way for a few minutes before Elim withdrew as his sensitive prUt retreated into his body. He collapsed to Julian’s side who, despite the heat, rolled onto his husband and traced his ridges from chest to hip. Elim wrapped an arm around Julian’s back, drawing lazy patterns into his hip, and brought his other hand to rest on Julian’s upper neck, thumb slowly stoking his jaw. They could not remain intertwined as such for long with the heat and the mess, but for the moment, they were content and no words needed to be said.

***

* * *

 

 

         Some time and one sonic shower later found the couple in bed, no longer intertwined as was necessary for them to sleep comfortably. Both men were lost in their own thoughts that they had not yet brought up with the other. Years ago, before they had entered courtship, Julian said he would stay on Cardassia if he felt his life could be complete, later when they were in the second stage of courtship Julian had said he felt his life could be complete here and for the next two years or so, it was proved that this was true, exceeding both men’s expectations. However, lately, they both were thinking back to another discussion that they had had in their second stage of courtship: the topic of children. They were in their third year of marriage and things were amazing, but Elim couldn’t help but think of a child with Julian’s eyes and his own ridges looking up at him. Without his knowledge, Julian had begun thinking much the same thing, he loved playing with Azoon and Hasleny, and advising Dyrum and Inda but they were growing fast and ultimately, not his children. Despite both men’s fears for repeating their own broken childhoods, and doubts of their skills as fathers, for the first time in years, their life didn’t feel complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was that... please please please let me know if you spot any mistakes, I've read and re read but I can always miss things. University english was a struggle and I'm a bio major not a creative writing major haha. Anyway, again I do need a beta. I wouldn't expect a new chapter soon however as so far I have only got this intro written and am publishing it to see if people are actually interested in reading it, or if me very slowly writing or giving up all together or writing oneshots is warranted. Anyway, hope you liked it. Please comment and leave kudos so I know I'm not shouting into the void.


	2. Chapter 1: Contemplation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, a chapter, a week before I said I would, what a surprise. At the moment I have written 50 pages of this damn story, meaning including this one I have three chapters ready to go. I won't be posting them all in one go, I still want to reread and I want to have a backlog of chapters to post as I will be getting busy with school soon. I just finished writing the third proper chapter and it was quite difficult to write for some reason, not content wise, it might be rather dry, we'll see, but it is finished now, at least the first draft. Anyway, I quite like this first chapter and I hope you do as well. I'm still in need of a beta if anyone is interested. 
> 
> Chapter warnings:  
> Description of minor medical procedure

Azoon woke up with a start; looking at the clock beside his bed, he saw that it was still much too early to be awake. Nightmares were something that he’d had since the Dominion assault. Uncle Julian said they were normal, and the nice nurse at his hospital told him that they were just his brain trying to understand things. He didn’t really understand that, but he did get that they were supposed to go away eventually. He didn’t think that 8-year-olds should have to crawl into bed with their big sisters, but still, it happened. He slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Hasleny, and padded softly down the hall toward Inda’s room. He paused as he heard noises coming from downstairs in the kitchen. His heart sped a little as he crept down the stairs and peeked around the corner. He let out a sigh of relief to see that it was Mr. Garak making tea. It didn’t take long for the former spy to spot the small boy spying on him.

“Azoon, what are you doing awake?”

Azoon didn’t answer, he was slightly embarrassed to admit that he had had a bad dream, but understanding still settled over Garak’s face.

“Well no matter, I find myself unable to sleep as well, why don’t you join me for some tea? I’ll make sure to add a little extra sugar into yours.” A comforting nod.

Azoon slipped into the kitchen and took a seat at the counter. Garak continued to putter around, the kettle on the heating unit whistled and he removed it carefully, setting it onto a braided potholder. He poured the water into the waiting tea pot and the scent of Red Leaf Tea filled the room. Setting the pot and two mugs in front of Azoon, he took a seat next to him, settling with a hum.

“You know when I was a boy, I often found myself up at hours that I should not be.”

He raised an eyeridge in Azoon’s direction.“Of course, I was never up to any good. A detail that I’m sure differs in this case.”

Azoon nodded vehemently.

“The housekeeper would often find me out in the garden when she awoke. She was never pleased to have to wash dirt from my sleep clothes. However, in my young mind watching the stars was worth some of her disappointment.”

He chuckled quietly. The pair sat in silence for a moment.

“The night _is_ clear, perhaps we should follow my boyhood lead.”

Azoon smiled, the two took their mugs; Garak doubling back to grab the quilt lain on the living room sofa, and they slipped into the backyard to watch the skies of Cardassia.

 

* * *

 

            The hospital was quiet, though no one would dare say so. After years of nearly daily disasters, even self-proclaimed un-superstitious Cardassians did not want to jinx their district’s good fortune. Julian, having completed his rounds, rocked back on his chair in his small office, studying the padd detailing the mutative properties of Lench-zi flu, perhaps he could spare some suffering come flu season if he could predict any possible changes to the virus’s structure. Not that this was of high concern, Lench-zi was not something the average Cardassian worried about, as few were particularly vulnerable.

            Peldar spotted him as she walked past and decided to stop in. He greeted her with a nod, setting down his padd. In his time on Cardassia, Peldar had become the person he was closest to outside his home.

            “All is well I assume?” Though from her relaxed expression he could see the answer. She nodded in confirmation.

            “What are you working on?”

“Nothing much, just Lench-zi mutation stats, I doubt it will be of much use. Anything of note to report?”

            “Not that I can.. ah yes, Nurse Kemi has just announced that she is pregnant! Her and her husband did not plan to start a family so soon, but she is of course overjoyed.”

            “That’s wonderful news! I will have to congratulate her when I see her!”

Nurse Kemi, formally Zynhar, had been with her now husband, for a few months longer than he and Elim had been together, their relationship having always been a few steps ahead. He was not particularly close to the young woman, but the news of her pregnancy had him feeling oddly drawn to her. He supposed that it wasn’t that strange considering where his thoughts had been lately, but still enough so that is must have shown in his features.

            “Bashir, is something wrong?”

            “Oh, no, of course not, just lost in my own thoughts.” He replied hoping she had not grasped where his thoughts had truly gone. While he would likely be discussing it with her at some point, he did not wish to do so before speaking with Elim. However, Peldar was an intuitive woman, though she would never be so obvious.

            “Ah yes, well the news of a child is always something to think about, especially as Cardassia is finally returning to her feet. Now, when culture is beginning to awaken again and laughter can be heard in the streets, family truly is the most important thing.” She replied with joy, but calmly, only her eyeridges betrayed that she knew Bashir was not saying all he was thinking. She obviously endorsed the idea. Julian let out a laugh that was little more than an exhale.

            “Well! I must be getting back to my patients, I’ve left a rather new doctor with Volag and she is rather, what you may call, _green_.” She chuckled at the terran expression. “I’ll leave you to your… thoughts.” Giving Bashir a nod, she left his office.

.

 

            Later that day, Julian was interrupted again from his research by someone placing their hands firmly on his shoulders, he of course recognized the touch immediately.

            “My dear, I was wondering if you would like to join me for a late lunch. I had intended just to say hello as I passed by the hospital, but Peldar has informed me that you, while always appreciated, are not needed at the moment and could slip away for an hour or so.”

            Julian stood up and Elim’s hands slipped off his shoulders. He held his palm up and pressed it to his husband’s, their fingers slotting together. Their hands eventually fell between them still joined, and the pair began to walk.

            “That sounds like just the distraction I need. If I read one more sentence about base pair resequencing, I may lose my mind” he replied with a smile.

            Elim raised his eyeridges in mock concern.

            “Well love, is seems I have arrived at just the right time! It would be a travesty to lose that mind of yours. I figured we could walk through Kelvan’ar Park, there is a small café that has recently re-opened, and I have heard lovely things about it.”

            Julian smiled and nodded in agreement.

.

  

Many people seemed to have had a similar idea, as the park was bustling with activity. More than not, when one made eye-contact with either of the pair, they would nod in respect. As pur-nim to the district and Federation Ambassador (not to mention one of the only terrans on the planet), the couple was well known.

            “ _Julian_ you simply cannot be that naïve, really after all these years I would think that even you could see that Kromac’s piece is about devotion to the state and not a lover. He was a very traditional man, to suggest otherwise would be going against every other piece of his I have shown you!”

            “The man describes the object of his affection in such a clearly _provocative_ way. The man may claim to be speaking of his devotion to Cardassia, but he is clearly speaking of his – _oof_ ”

            Julian was cut off by a small child running into his legs, the boy couldn’t have been more than five years old, and he was crying. He looked up at Julian with apprehension, never having seen a non-Cardassian face, at least as far as he remembered. Elim took the lead and crouched down to the boy’s level.

            “Child, whatever is the matter? Surely things cannot be so bad!”

            “I-I was with a-adik and then I saw a line of kzranti and Malo started crying and I followed the kzranti and when I looked up I c-couldn’t find her!” the child cried.

            “Oh dear, well that is a problem, but one we can surely fix. I’m sure your mother is looking for you right now. Why don’t we go sit over on that bench and wait for her to find us.”

            The boy nodded shakily, he still eyed Julian with suspicion.

            “Don’t worry about him, he may look different but he is very nice, that’s why I married him!”

            “I’m not sure if I should be flattered or offended.”

            This earned a wet giggle from the boy as he climbed up onto the bench and sat between the two men.

            “What’s your name?” Garak asked.

            “Yonom Eddok” the boy said in a small voice.

            “Well young Eddok, I am Garak and this is Doctor Bashir.” He said with a smile.

            “Doctor? but you’re a boy!” the child exclaimed in disbelief.

            “That doesn’t matter! Boys can be doctors if they want to. You should always do what you enjoy, and making people healthy is what I enjoy.” The small boy listened in wonder.

            “Yes Doctor Bashir is a very special doctor too, he knows how to heal Cardassians and many other types of otherworlders, because he comes from very far away and has met many different types of people!” Elim bragged, half out of genuine pride, and half to keep the boy occupied.

            “Wow, when I grow up I hope I can meet lots of otherworlders!”

            Julian proceeded to distract the boy with tales of Klingons and Andorians and other foreign species. As he spoke, the child began to lean against Elim, even gripping at his shirt as he listened intently. Julian smiled at the shocked, but soft expression on his husband’s face as he continued his stories. It was only about five minutes before Julian saw and heard who he could only assume was the boy’s mother pushing a pram, and rushing through the people. He nudged the boy and pointed in her direction silently asking if that was indeed her. The boy’s eyes widened.

            “Adik!” he yelled and hopped off the bench running in her direction. The young woman turned towards them, seeing her son along with Elim and Julian, she placed a hand on her chest as if to slow her heart rate.

            “Yonom Eddok, you have scared your adik half to death! You cannot simply walk off while I am caring for your sister. What if these nice men had not found you!” She chastised. Despite her somewhat harsh words, she still knelt and pulled the boy into her arms, clutching him tightly to her chest for a moment. Standing up, she addressed the couple.

            “Pur-nim, Ambassador Bashir, I cannot thank you enough. I apologize that my child has interrupted your afternoon.”

            “It was no bother Miss Eddok, he’s a lovely boy.” Elim replied smiling along with Julian.

            “We’re simply glad you found him so quickly, I only have so many stories of distant stars to distract!” Elim resisted the urge to mention Julian’s well known ability to talk, but thought it not the proper time.

            “He’s a doctor adik, even though he’s a boy and he lived far far away and he met lots of people and I want to be like him when I am grown up!” The boy informed his mother, clutching her skirt.

            “Yes Yonom, he’s also a very important and busy man along with Mister Garak here, can you say thank you to them for waiting with you?”  

            The child complied with a small voice.

“How old is your daughter if you don’t mind me asking?” Julian inquired, peering into the pram where an infant with still soft ridges slept soundly despite the chaos that had just occurred.

“Not at all, she’s only two weeks old and quite a handful along with Yonom, but family is the most important thing, I would trade it for nothing.” She replied with a smile.

“Well congratulations on your lovely family, it was very nice meeting you despite the circumstances.” Julian concluded. Eddok smiled and nodded once more at the couple. Gripping Yonom’s hand tightly the family continued on their way.

           

Julian reclaimed his husband’s hand.

            “Well that was unexpected… you were very sweet with him.” Julian said with a smile.

            “I hope that was not the part that was unexpected” Elim replied with a chuckle before continuing, “he was a very sweet boy. Lovely family.”

            Julian made a noise of agreement and the pair walked in silence for a moment.

            “…the baby was very sweet as well.” He met Elim’s eyes with his.

            “Indeed my dear.” His expression was soft.

            Both sensed there was more to say, but their time was limited, it would have to wait for later.

            “The café is just up here.”

            “Ah good the heat is killing me! Any chance they would have lemonade?”

            Elim chuckled.

            “My dear, I would be surprised if the proprietors even knew what a lemon was.”

            Julian groaned.

            “Damn Cardassia!” He exclaimed in obvious jest, with a dramatic sigh he continued “iced tea will have to do I suppose… again!”

            Elim smiled at his husband’s melodrama, and they continued towards the café for the aforementioned iced tea.

 

* * *

 

            Julian climbed into bed beside Elim who was engrossed in a padd. He moved closer to see what he was reading, but Elim placed it down on the bedside table before he could see it. Julian didn’t think much of this, if it were something important his husband would discuss it with him. Elim’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. The pair settled in, Julian made a satisfied little hum as he rested his head against Elim’s chest, the cardassian pressed a kiss into his husband’s hair. For a moment, they were quiet, but eventually Julian broke the silence.

            “Do you want to have a baby?” he asked quietly.

 _Well, that was certainly straight to the point,_ Elim thought. Julian never was a master of subtlety. Elim smiled, the increase in his heart rate (that Julian could no doubt feel), and the initial rush of happiness through his body at hearing the question was certainly telling. However, it was dampened by the same insecurities that he had had years before during a very similar conversation.

            “I believe we’ve have this conversation ss’avi.” He hummed.

Julian pushed himself up to better see his husband’s face.

            “I meant soon, we agreed that children were something we were open to, but lately…’ he paused, Julian’s eyes flicked away from Elim’s “lately it’s been on my mind in a much more immediate way… We did say three years was our cut-off.”

            Elim smiled, half joyfully, half nervously.

            “The thought has crossed my mind as well.” Taking a moment, he continued “However, my misgivings are not gone.”

            Julian leaned in and kissed his husband, shifting into anshwar they sat in silence for a moment. Having grown up with Tain as a father figure that denied his relation, and a mother apprehensive to acknowledge the same, Elim had once expressed concerns about his aptitude for fatherhood. Having seen Elim grow over the last three years from the guarded man he had once known on Deep Space 9, into a man capable of expressing love, sincerity and vulnerability, Julian did not believe that Elim lacked the skills to be a wonderful father. The fact that he was so concerned was more credit to his cause. Julian pulled back from anshwar.

            “Even after all this time?” he asked “I can see it in you, you’re wonderful with the Rokul children. You guide Inda in her studies… you were comforting to the boy this afternoon.” He placed a hand on Elim’s cheek tracing his jaw with his thumb. “I wish you could see what I see in you.”

            Elim smiled. 

            “You make a very convincing argument my dear, I will admit that lately my insecurities have not been as pressing as they once were.”

            Julian leaned forward pressing his lips lightly to his husbands.

            “Okay, so given that you know I believe you would be a wonderful father, and knowing that the biggest personal concerns I’ve ever held were largely genetic, which I can worry about further if we decided to pursue that route… is that a yes?”

            “It is a promise that I will start thinking about it much more seriously.” Elim said leaning in to anshwar.

            “That’s probably the best idea. Wanting an abstract idea of a child is one thing, making the decision is another. Though…” Julian started, pulling away to look into Elim’s eyes and tracing his thumb from his eyeridge to his chin, he smiled. “I will also be _seriously_ thinking about how _seriously_ cute our baby would be. My eyes, your ridges…”

            Elim chuckled, his expression soft.

            “My dear you are incorrigible.”

            With a last kiss and another rather lengthy anshwar the pair separated to their sides of the bed, setting in for what would likely be a rather restless night of sleep. A few minutes passed before Julian mumbled into the darkness.

            “My mother would certainly be happy, she’s been goading us since before we were married.”

            “Go to _sleep_ Julian.” Mumbled Elim.

            Grinning into his pillow, Julian tried to do as instructed.

 

* * *

 

            Elim, for a long time by necessity, trusted very few people. By that virtue, and the fact that to most people he encountered he was a minor government figure, and a man shrouded in a mysterious past, he did not have many personal friends. The people he had once associated with were not those he would like in contact with the life he was now building if it were at all possible, besides, most of them were dead. He would consider many of Julian’s friends his friends as well, but they rarely spoke without Julian acting as a catalyst. Elim didn’t mind this, his life was already far superior to anything he could have hoped for, however, it made for a tricky situation when one wanted to discuss any important decisions with someone they could rely on to give sound advice, or at least listen without ulterior motive.  These were Elim’s thoughts as he sat on the stone edge of an empty fountain on the grounds of the university. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Inda walking towards him at a brisk pace, he stood to greet her.

            “Uncle! I hope you have not been waiting long! Our discussion in Political Ethics ran long, but it was so engaging that none of the students nor Professor Prejal noticed that we had run out of time!” Inda exclaimed slightly out of breath.

            “No matter my dear, I am glad to see that you and your peers are taking full advantage of the opportunity that has been given to you.” He replied sincerely. Inda nodded respectfully as the pair began their journey home.

            It was only the first full week of classes but the two had agreed that when Elim was on campus and their schedules lined up, it was only natural that the pair could make their way home together. It gave them an opportunity to catch up with each other without the responsibility of the younger Rokuls on their plate.

            “So my dear, besides engaging lectures, has there been anything else of note that has occurred that you would like to discuss?”

            “Not much that I can think of Uncle, I’ve met a few new students whom I feel could become friends, or at least useful study partners, but the semester has barely started, we will have to see if their dedication matches their first week enthusiasm.”

            Elim chuckled, Inda had proved herself to be very motivated and studious, and she held her peers to the same standards… he was proud of the girl. 

            “Let’s hope they can rise to your expectations.” He said with a smile.

            “How about you Uncle, have your first introductory lectures been well received?”

            “Ah, as I feared, the youth of today have lost so much context from which they must draw to truly appreciate Cardassian literature. Though I suppose they are not at fault, and times are changing. Perhaps Julian is correct that my interpretations may be starting to become outdated.”

            Inda grinned.

            “I’m sure they appreciate your wisdom.”

            “I will ignore that _compliment_ in favour of hopefully gaining some of _your_ wisdom.”

            Inda shot him a look of confusion.

“I do not know what I could offer you in the realm of advice Uncle, but I will of course try.”

“Anything you say will be useful information to inform my decision. I wish to discuss this with you not only because you are a member of my family who will be affected by this decision, but because you have spent over three years in a parental role, and I’m sure years before that aiding your parents in a similar capacity.” He paused giving her a moment to remember her parents, it was never an easy topic to discuss, but forgetting them was not something he would ever encourage the girl to do.

“Julian and I have been talking about the possibility of having a child of our own.”

He let the girl absorb this, though it was very obvious what she thought of the idea, her eyeridges twitched with barely contained glee.

“Uncle, that’s wonderful to hear! Though I must admit, besides from informing me as a member of your household and family, I do not understand why you felt you needed to discuss this with me.”

Elim sighed, Inda did know more than the average person about his past and parentage, but even so, he did not wish to appear insecure or vulnerable in front of the girl to whom he played a somewhat fatherly role.

“I have some… _concerns_ … when it comes to whether I am suited to fatherhood. Julian assures me I am, and I have no doubts about him, but a child deserves a dependable family.”

Inda smiled softly.

“Uncle, I am going to likely repeat what Julian has told you. You are kind, caring and dependable. You would be, and in many ways already are, a wonderful father. I can think of nothing that would bring me more joy.”

If Elim were human, he was sure he would be blushing, but as it was he simply cleared his throat from the lump that had formed there.

“Well my dear, I am certainly glad that Julian’s bias is not misplaced.”

The pair continued the rest of their walk home, largely in comfortable silence. Elim couldn’t help but imagine accompanying his own child home from school. He figured that he or she would likely be more talkative than Inda if they inherited anything from Julian. He smiled slightly, his fears were not gone but parental drive and excitement certainly seemed to be winning.

 

* * *

 

            Julian concentrated on the arm of his young, screaming, squirming patient. The small boy was less than a year old but already walking, and apparently very curious. This was his second time in Julian’s care. The first had been when he had toppled over while playing with his older sister, his head colliding into the edge of a stack of crates in the corner of the family’s small home. The disadvantage of being an early bloomer, was that the child was also very top heavy. The mother had come in in such a panic at the sight of so much blood seeping through the cloth she had pressed to his head, but Julian had explained that superficial head wounds tended to appear worse than they were. He had quickly cleaned and run a dermal regenerator over the wound but the child was now left with a very angular scar on the side of his head. If he was lucky it would be covered by his hairline. This time however, the child had managed to pull a cup of boiling water onto his arm giving himself second degree burns. The scales were peeling off revealing the delicate skin below them. Julian grabbed an anesthetizing spray from the table beside him, numbing the child’s arm from the shoulder down. He then carried the child over to the small sink in his exam room. The child’s screaming had calmed down but fat tears still slid down his cheeks. The child’s arm was still hot to the touch so he ran the cold water (grateful that it was running well today) over the burn for a few minutes. As he did so, the child’s mother hovered behind him.

            “I didn’t even see him, I thought he was playing with his sister in the living area, I didn’t realize he was in the kitchen until I heard the crash of the mug and him crying. Our water has been inconsistent for days and we’ve been on a boil water advisory for longer. I didn’t think I could risk treating the burn as I normally would with dirty water, but I fear waiting may have been worse.” She rambled.

            “I believe you did the right thing, I’m unfamiliar with the water quality at the moment in sub-district 3, but I know it’s always taken more time getting things up to standards there. Treating an infection from contaminated water is more difficult with our resources than treating a burn. Little Caarem will be just fine. Yes he will!”

            Julian tickled the boy’s side and made a strange face. The boy looked at him with an expression as if to say ‘ _really Doctor?’_ Coupled with his blue eyes Julian could almost see a tiny Elim. Julian chuckled. He turned off the water and lightly patted the arm dry with some gauze. He returned to the exam bed and sat the boy down, he clipped the dead scales around the burn that would not heal and then, grabbing the dermal regenerator, he ran it over the damaged area a few times to heal the delicate skin. He sprayed a cooling gel over the area for good measure, finally he wrapped the arm with gauze.

            “That should be good. He shouldn’t be in any pain though he may be cranky from the cold until the gel wears off, but there is no danger. If his arm gets worse bring him back, but I doubt that will happen.”

            “Thank you so much doctor, I will do my best to keep from having to see you again.”

“It’s no trouble Ms. Preill, it is why I am here, and Caarem is one of my favourite patients. However, for that matter I hope you are successful; but don’t be too hard on yourself, you son seems to be very determined to explore everything!”

Preill smiled and scooped her son from the exam bed, he wrapped a pudgy arm around her neck and nuzzled into her. With a thankful nod, she was gone. Julian began tidying up the few supplies that he had used. He found himself wondering how he would have handled such a situation as a parent. He and Elim would have to get out of the habit of leaving tea out within reach of tiny hands while reading. Pausing he let out a small laugh, he was getting ahead of himself. Though despite knowing that, he couldn’t help but imagine himself comforting his own child when they cried, being the one that they reached out for when they were scared. He sighed.

 

He hoped that Elim was closer to a decision, because he was definitely a lost cause. 

 

* * *

 

            Elim had just started his annual re-read of the _Never-Ending Sacrifice_ and was doing his best to appear engaged in the novel. However, his attention was really on Julian, legs curled beneath him “reading” a padd on the other end of the couch. His eyes flickered in Elim’s direction when he thought he might not be looking. Elim found it quite endearing that his husband could remind him still of the wide-eyed federation doctor sitting in the replimat all those years ago, but he supposed that he should put him out of his misery. He gave an exaggerated sigh and set down his book.

            “My dear, your subtlety has really blossomed and I of course applaud that, but _something_ about your demeanor has me believing you have something to discuss.” He said with false exasperation, raising an eyeridge. Julian blushed.

            “I know you know what I want to discuss, but I don’t want to pressure you or force you to make a decision too soon. I’ll just go see if any of the kids need help with their homework.”

            He started to get up.

            “You know I had a wonderful conversation with Inda yesterday.” Elim started. “She seems to agree with you.”

            Julian paused, he sat down again. His heart was beating quickly in his chest. Why was he so nervous? This was ridiculous.

            “What exactly did she agree with me on?” Given their topic of conversation he hoped he already knew.

            “It seems that you are not the only one that believes that I have an aptitude for fatherhood.” His expression softened, he smiled as he held eye contact with his husband.

            “Elim, while I find it somewhat infuriating that you had to confirm what I have told you now on multiple occasions, I will ignore that if you can just give me a straight answer for once in your life.”

            “Oh I don’t think that I have ever done anything straight when it comes to you.” He couldn’t resist and the glare that Julian shot him was worth the terrible pun.

            “Elim.” Julian warned, Elim laughed but figured he should probably be serious if he wished Julian to remain hopeful about raising a child with him.

            “My dear, if you are still considering children with me in an immediate sense as something you want, I can think of nothing that would bring me more joy.”

            There was a beat of silence. Julian brought himself to Elim’s end of the couch and straddled his husband’s thighs. He kissed his lips softly and transitioned to anshwar.

            “I feel the same way.”

            The pair remained in that position for a moment before Julian pulled back, and with a quick kiss, pushed his Elim away from the arm of the sofa to sit with his back to it, and legs over his husband’s.

            “Okay, so we are really going to do this.” He starts with a smile. “I have only one question… How?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's that, wherever could this be going? haha. Please let me know your thoughts and please let me know if there were spots where my writing was unclear, if it is moving too quickly or too slowly, and it you notice any errors or inconsistencies with canon, Altering Course, or the introduction. I've done my best but I am only human, and not augmented like our favourite doctor, and again, I need a beta! I am also thinking of recording this as I love to listen to podfics, smut would not be fully included because I'm awkward af, let me know your thoughts on that. Anyway, my [tumblr is here](https://ds9girlfics.tumblr.com) if you wish to follow me and send me thoughts on this or prompts to get be out of writer's block later down the line. :)


	3. Chapter 2: Celebrative Activities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I've been very lazy writing this week, so good that I already had this chapter ready. There may be more of a wait after next week if I can't pick up the pace. I'm also likely going to be starting a new job which is going to take up time and classes start wednesday, we'll see how well I do at multitasking. Anyway, I like this chapter, it's basically all fluff and smut... with some scientific mumbo jumbo. Next chapter is basically all medical stuff so enjoy it while you can because after that things aren't as fluffy anymore :( 
> 
> Chapter warnings:  
> Smut, more descriptive than last time, longer, starts at *** and goes to end of chapter.

            When the topic of children had come up during their courtship, Cardassia was still very broken. The idea that when the time came to truly consider bringing a child into their life they would have options, was not something they had thought likely. However, now, while the wounds of Cardassia were certainly not healed, they were mending, and medical technology had been a priority. There had already been too much death. Therefore, asking ‘how?’ was not as straight forward as it once was. The simplest way of course would be to adopt. Orphans had already been numerous, if rarely discussed, before the Dominion assault, but now, even after three years of recovery, the district orphanage was still full. Julian and Elim would have no trouble adopting, even as two men, not only because there was high demand for parents, but because over the years they had been very involved at the orphanage. The only issue there would be choosing only one child from the many they had gotten to know. However, Cardassians did value biological ties. Julian knew that Elim would never admit it, especially with his current family being formed through plo-n’ar-un, but he strongly suspected that Elim wanted biological children, and if he admitted it to himself, the idea also appealed to him, at least for their first child. The technology to allow same-sex couples to reproduce had been around for over a century, but that matter brought up the issue of his genetic resequencing. Would a child with his DNA be at risk for any mutation, or had the “doctors” on Adigeon Prime actually accounted for the fact he may wish to reproduce one day? If his DNA were safe, could they even combine cardassian and human DNA? Though humans and bajorans looked similar there were biological differences, the fact that there had been human-bajoran children born in the time since the federation had been in contact with Bajor suggested there was compatibility there, and he knew there was compatibility between bajorans and cardassians, but that didn’t necessarily mean that a cardassian and a human could conceive a child. Then, if they could, there was the question of how would this child be carried. Surrogacy on Cardassia was not a common practice, it put both parties into an extremely vulnerable position which no cardassian appreciated, Elim most of all. Artificial incubator-like-wombs were available in federation hospitals, but Julian doubted any had made their way to Cardassia, natal incubators had been hard enough to obtain. Julian also doubted that the federation would aid in their Ambassador to Cardassia going _more_ native (an expression he detested) by having a half-cardassian child. Julian would prefer they not know until a child was actually in existence, even just a fetus. He knew they would not _forbid_ him from having children with his husband, they could not do that. However, they may _suggest_ he wait until he was no longer an ambassador, and that was not an option. That left an artificial uterus in either himself, or Elim. He had performed the procedure a few times in his time on Cardassia, though on women who had been injured during the assault. He believed the procedure could be modified. Of course, given that Julian was younger, he was the obvious choice.

.

            This was what Julian had decided while “thinking seriously” about having a child with Elim, in addition to actually deciding whether he was ready. It was also what went through his mind in the four seconds between telling Elim that he truly wanted this, and asking him how they would do so, and he of course explained this to Elim promptly after asking the question. Elim looked slightly shocked, but not all together surprised.

            “Ss’avi, while I am happy you have thought this through and amazed that you would put yourself through the strain of carrying our child, I thought maybe we could take this night to celebrate our decision?”

            Julian’s ears burned.

            “Oh… that sounds nice.”

“We will have plenty of time to think about this logically, but tonight I think that we should go out, have a nice meal, get slightly drunk and return home for activities _traditionally_ associated with the decision to have a child.” Elim said, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Julian’s lips, his jaw, below his ear, then his neck, giving a small bite causing Julian’s breath to hitch.

“Ah yes, well you never know, I am augmented, perhaps you _could_ just get me pregnant.”

Elim chuckled deeply, the vibrations against Julian’s neck caused a shiver to run down his spine.

“My dear, though the idea is oddly appealing, I believe that if that were possible we would have discovered it shortly after you first invited me to your bed.”

 .

            Dinner had been lovely, since the famine had ended several restaurants had opened, or re-opened in a few lucky cases. Eating out was still a luxury, and kanar and other beverages were only just becoming more widely available again since crops began yielding outputs that could support their creation. Elim and Julian had been fortunate and they had received several bottles of various liquor for their wedding and as occasional gifts at certain diplomatic functions, and they had a small collection that they rationed. Tonight however, they were not rationing. Julian’s cheeks felt curiously warm as he clung to Elim who was significantly less intoxicated than his husband. The pair was leisurely making their way home from the restaurant. The sky was clear and filled with stars. The streets were all but empty. It was a rather lovely night. Julian craned his neck up and took in the view. Eventually dropping his head to Elim’s shoulder and looking at his face.

            “I love you ss’avi” he said with a smile that looked rather large for his face, Elim looked at him incredulously but felt warmth spread through his chest.

            “My dear you are very drunk.” He laughed.

            “That’s not what you’re supposed to say!” Julian said with a small frown.

            “And what may I ask am I supposed to say?”

            “You’re supposed to say” ‘and I you.’ That’s your line.”

            “My line?”

            “Yes, that’s what you said the first time.”

            “I see.”

            The pair had reached their home and Elim briefly turned his attention from his ridiculous and intoxicated husband’s words, to making sure he didn’t face plant into their front steps. After maneuvering him to the door, pressing his own hand to the lock, and entering his access code, he pulled his husband, who was currently doing his best to distract Elim with his mouth on his neck ridges, inside and the pair started up the stairs and towards their bedroom.

            “I wanna fuck you.” Julian half growled, half slurred, into Elim’s ear, somewhat louder than he likely intended. Elim raised his eyeridges, Julian usually refrained from such language outside the bedroom when there were children sleeping only a dozen or so meters away, even if those children did not speak Standard. Though… his request was appealing. He shushed him anyway.

            “Julian you can do anything you want to me once we are on the other side of this door.”

            “I’m gonna fuck you against the door.”

            “That sounds lovely, but may I suggest the bed, neither of us are particularly stable on our feet at the moment.” _You especially_ he added to himself.

            He pressed his palm to the lock and again entered his code. As the door closed behind them Julian pushed him to the bed and down onto the mattress. He then braced himself over Elim and resumed biting and kissing his neck ridges. Now that they were safely in their own room Elim allowed himself to enjoy it, a low moan slipped out.

            Julian straddled Elim’s thighs and began unbuttoning his shirt, sloppily kissing his way down his torso with each revealed patch of scales. His movements slow as he traveled down his body. Elim brought his hands to Julian’s hair and gripped firmly, but not painfully. His neck ridges throbbed from the earlier attention, each kiss down his chest left a trail of pleasurable warmth. Julian had reached the final button of the hidden panel and pushed the flaps out of the way and began nuzzling at Elim’s lower belly. Elim made a small noise of protest at his husband’s attention to the small bit of pudge that had re-appeared there in the last year, but he still felt his ajan throb and moisten as his prUt grew inside.

 

Julian’s motions slowed and gradually stopped. Elim made a noise of protest and looked down at his husband. His head fell back onto the bed and he huffed in annoyance.

 

Julian was asleep.

 

            _Fuck._ His head pounded, his mouth felt like it was full of cotton, his body felt heavy.  He groaned, his eyes slipped open. _Bad idea._ The light from their bedroom window felt like it was cracking his head like a nut, starting at his temple. He closed his eyes tightly. He groped with his right hand towards Elim’s side of the bed. He found the man was indeed still in bed, and he believed on his side facing Julian.

            “Are you awake?” he mumbled quietly, not wanting to wake him if that were not the case.

            “I am.”

            Julian rolled over and heavily slung an arm over Elim’s body. He burrowed his face into Elim’s chest blocking out the light. _Ah, much better._

            “I feel like death.” He muffled into Elim’s chest.

            “That’s not surprising, you were possibly the most drunk I have ever seen you last night.”

            “M’sorry.”

            “It’s fine love, it was quite endearing. Though you were a bit of what you might call, a _cocktease_ at the end.”

            Julian made a questioning noise.

“You expressed your desire to _fuck_ me, and then fell asleep with your head _just_ north of where I would have preferred it.” He chuckled, Julian groaned.

“’I’ll make it up to you.”

“I’m sure you will.”

But Julian had drifted back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

It was a few days later, late evening, Julian was in his office at the hospital. There were padds around him and he was longing for the infirmary on Deep Space 9. His current set up could not compare when it came to complex research, and determining whether he could conceive a child with Elim, was proving such.

He had already known that, incredibly fortunately, cardassians and humans shared the same number of chromosomes. It was of course not impossible to have species reproduce with inconsistent numbers of chromosomes, but it did leave many results of hybridization infertile, something he didn’t want to inflict on his child in a society so focused on family, and he knew Elim would feel the same. So far, he had confirmed that there were two sets of chromosomes that could cause issues, and he was currently running analysis on the base pairs of each to see if any of the inconsistencies would cause noticeable problems. Honestly, he was shocked to find that there were only two sets, though a report he had read that was published by a science officer on the Enterprise a few years prior detailed their discovery of a common ancestor for a number of Alpha Quadrant humanoid species, it was still shocking to see such similarity.

While that analysis was running, he poured over his own DNA to see if it would, during reshuffling and division, differ in any significant way from the average human. The last thing they needed was a tiny, half cardassian, Khan. So far, it was appearing that his architects had accounted for him passing on his genes. He was brought out of his research by a knock on his slightly ajar door, it was Peldar.

“Bashir, your shift ended over two hours ago, I appreciate your dedication, but I’m sure there is a meal waiting for you at home… though possibly cold by now.”

Julian looked at the clock on the far corner of his desk, shocked that it displayed _2227h_.

“God, it would appear I lost track of time.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And I promised Hasleny I would help her with her science project, I hope she isn’t too upset with me.”

“I’m sure she will understand, though I do not. I thought you had completed your research on Lench-zi.”

“I have, this is of a more personal nature.”

 He paused. There was no reason to not tell Peldar, he and Elim had reached their decision, and if they did take the route that Julian was pushing for, Peldar would certainly be involved. He addressed her more directly and couldn’t help but smile.

“Elim and I have decided to have a child.”

Peldar made a noise of excitement that Julian had rarely heard on Cardassia, and most often in individuals much younger than herself.

“Bashir that is wonderful, though I must say I suspected as much when we spoke a few weeks ago. So this is genetic research I assume.”

“I admit I had a suspicion.” He said with a laugh. “Yes it is, I’m currently running a chromosomal analysis and looking over my own genetic code.”

Peldar looked slightly abashed.

“I wish you had approached me with this sooner. I am slightly embarrassed to admit it but I may have conducted some research as well.”

Julian raised his eyebrows, that was surprising.

“When was this?”

“During your courtship, shortly after you had contracted Lench-zi. It was honestly just curiosity. I saw how much he cared for you and you know the Cardassian attitude towards family.”

“I probably should feel violated, but I admit I would have likely done the same thing.” In fact, he had done a very similar thing when Worf and Jadzia had become involved, _before_ she had asked. Though his motivation had been _slightly_ different. “What did you find, hopefully you can save me some time.”

“Well, assuming that your revision of your genome does not yield any significant inconsistencies with the human genomes on file, it is possible, however…” She grabs a padd displaying the two sets of chromosomes that Julian was currently analyzing, selecting the one including human chromosome 7. “there are a few genes on this chromosome that do not have an equivalency in the Cardassian genome that could lead to a number of serious genetic conditions we are not equipped to treat, so we would have to screen for whether you have any of those mutations. Though I have a feeling you won’t. There are some cardassian genes with no human equivalency as well, but few mutations are still present in cardassians today.” Peldar paused.

With genetic resequencing more accepted on Cardassia, many genetic conditions had been all but removed from the gene pool. Julian wasn’t sure what his opinion was on this topic. On one hand he was a doctor, and wanted to alleviate suffering. On the other hand, rewriting, or preventing a child because they were deemed _imperfect_ seemed wrong and had caused him many sleepless nights, self-loathing, and guilt. Though, had it not been done to him, where would he be today? He was also an advocate on a pregnant person’s right to choose whether they wished to keep a child. The topic was complex, and a debate on ethics was probably not well timed. Peldar continued.

 “That is the first issue. The second has to do with the rate of cell division and growth in the first few weeks. Cardassians and humans as you know differ slightly in their gestation length, I believe after the 4thweek it would balance out as growth slows and organ differentiation begins, but it may make the creation of a viable pregnancy challenging, but not impossible.”

Julian was taken aback and slightly touched.

“Peldar, this is more than _some_ research, you must have spent hours, if not days. Thank you.”

Peldar nodded.

“Now I assume you’re considering an artificial uterus and you would be the obvious candidate for implantation. There are some inconsistencies between human and cardassian gestational structures, I figured we may be able to modify using decellurization of the cardassian model we have used here, and a hybrid cell-seeding technique, let me show you what I’ve considered so far…”

Peldar pulled the chair that was against the wall and sat next to Julian, accessing her files through the padd she was already holding as she continued to relay her research and hypotheses.

Julian found himself very grateful for her slightly invasive friendship.

 

* * *

 

            Elim had had a very long day. He had spent the morning advising Councilor Ma’Don about resource allocation. There had recently been a dilithium vein found on a nearby sparsely populated, Union world. The planet had been spared much of the Dominion assault and was out of the way of what was once the demilitarized zone, they had little need for the profits coming from this new find, therefore, it was up to the Detapa counsel to give where the need was greatest, unfortunately the need was consistently great over much of Cardassia Prime, as well as on many heavily hit Union worlds. It was not an easy decision.

 

Following that, he had had two lectures in the afternoon followed by a particularly opinionated, yet uninformed young student who decided the best use of both their time was to engage in a very repetitive, unthoughtful debate. Though by the end he wasn’t sure if the boy was truly trying to better understand Cardassian Literature, or if he had been attempting to flirt with Elim. He found both prospects unappealing. The second for obvious reasons, the first because if it were the case, he would have to again reevaluate the competency of his students.

           

When he had finally made it home with hope of sharing a meal and some relaxation with his family, he found no Julian, and instead, a distraught Hasleny attempting to put together a complex looking model of the cardassian brain, without much luck. His attempts to help were not well received.

 

After dinner had been eaten, dishes washed and put away, the children were in their beds, and Inda had retired for the night, Elim started to become concerned that Julian was not home. He had sent a message to him a few hours earlier and had not yet received a message back. It was now past midnight, and his concern combined with the stress of the day had manifested in a slowly creeping headache at the back of his skull. Grabbing _The Never Ending Sacrifice_ and pulling a blanket over himself, he settled into the sofa in view of the front door to wait for his husband.

.

It was nearly _0200h_ when Julian finally came through the door. Elim had fallen asleep against the arm of the sofa, but was roused by the whir and click of the lock. Julian crept in redundantly, smiling softly at his husband’s slightly bleary eyed (though more alert than most would be) expression of relief. He walked over to the sofa, picking up the book that had fallen to the floor and set it on the coffee table. He leaned down, kissed his husband, and smoothed his hair into place.

“I’m sorry I’m in so late love, but you didn’t need to wait up for me.”

“You didn’t reply to my message or send one of your own, I admit I was somewhat anxious for your return.”

“I didn’t see your message and I lost track of time.” He said with an apologetic expression. “Our friend Peldar is proving very supportive of our plans.”

“Oh?”

“It seems that she took it onto herself years ago to determine whether our union could be a fruitful one.” He said with a quiet laugh.

“Really, how delightfully presumptuous. What were her conclusions?” He asked the question under the guise of a joke, but his heart beat a little quicker. Julian’s smile grew and Elim could see his eyes shine.

“If we want to we can have a baby that’s biologically ours Elim, it might be tricky, but we can do it.”

 

            In his time with Julian, Elim had experienced immeasurable joy, this moment was certainly among the best. Elim returned his smile, the layers of humourwere cast aside, his head even felt a little better. He shifted up to accommodate Julian on the couch who took his place between his legs with his back to his chest. Elim wrapped his arms around his waist and hooked his chin over Julian’s shoulder.

 

            “Okay, that is of course wonderful news, but do you really want to put yourself through that? You know I would love a biological child, but it isn’t a requirement. When last we talked about this we didn’t even think it would be a possibility. I will care for any child that we bring into this home, and there are so many that need a home.”

            Julian shifted so he sat half against Elim’s chest and half against the back of the sofa, in this position he could better see his husband’s face.

            “I know that, so would I, but I really think I want to do this. We always said we wanted more than one child if we did have children, we can always adopt next time if this proves too hard on me. People have biological children everyday, why should it matter that we need to put a little extra work into it?”

            “It shouldn’t. We will always continue to assist in the orphanage and care for those children, Cardassia has grown, they are no longer outcasts from society. If you truly want to do this for us, I want it as well.”

            Julian leaned into anshwar.

            “I love you Elim.” He murmured.

            “And I you.” 

***     

They had sat there in anshwar for a few minutes before it became kissing, and kissing became stroking, and that became something that needed to be moved to the bedroom.

            Their breathing was heavy as they stood at the foot of the bed slowly stroking down shoulders and chests, and removing each other’s clothing. Julian’s erection was already prominent. Elim dropped to his knees and mouthed at the still clothed bulge, rubbing up Julian’s thighs. Julian gripped his hair tightly and let out a moan. With skilled fingers Elim undid the fastenings of Julian’s pants and pulled them to mid-thigh along with his underwear. Julian’s erection bobbed in front of him, a drop a fluid at the top. Elim looked up and grinned wolfishly at Julian, he reached out and pumped his length before taking it into his mouth without breaking eye contact. Julian groaned at the sight, gripping his hair tighter. Elim’s head bobbed as he took the length down his throat, he could feel Julian’s hips twitching forward into the moist heat. Running his tongue up the vein on the underside, he pulled off to the tip and began concentrating his attention there, while pumping the exposed shaft with his hand. Julian’s breathing was becoming quicker and shallower, Elim could feel that he was getting close, so he pulled off. Julian whimpered at the loss.

            “We are far from done.” Elim admonished. He guided Julian to sit down on the edge of the bed and removed his pants fully, folding, and setting them aside. He quickly removed his own pants and undergarments doing the same. His ajan was slick and open, but he had yet to evert, Julian quickly sought to resolve that. He coaxed Elim up to kneel above his chest and scooched down so that his face was level with his dripping ajan. Julian brought two fingers to the gape and thrust them in, lavishing his tongue over the sensitive scaling of Elim’s lips and tip of his prUt threatening to evert. Elim’s hips rocked against Julian’s face as he held tightly to his husband’s shoulders. Julian’s tongue slipped in beside his fingers and he licked the still hidden ridges of Elim’s prUt. That combined with a sharp thrust of his fingers had Elim everting unexpectedly with a gasp. His slick prUt sliding against Julian’s cheek leaving a trail of fluid. Julian looked up with lust blown pupils and took Elim into his mouth, bobbing a few times. Elim’s prUt hit the back of his throat, Julian could not take the entire length, but he paid attention to the sensitive base with his hand. Julian removed his fingers from his husband and instead brought them between his own legs to begin opening himself up. He had only just slipped the second finger in when Elim pulled him off his prUt and pushed him back onto the bed. Julian moved up higher on the bed, legs wide, still fingering himself. He brought the hand that had been stroking Elim just seconds before up to stroke his own length, he moaned, daring Elim to do something. Anything.

            Elim let out a hiss through his teeth, he grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed and propped Julian’s hips up. Pulling Julian’s legs further apart, he ducked between them and pushed Julian’s hand away from his hole. He spread his cheeks with his hands and began licking, then thrusting his tongue into Julian’s ass. He heard Julian gasp and whimper above him. He used one hand to stroke his own length, dipping into his ajan, he brought his hand up to add fingers beside his tongue, sliding two in. Julian gave a cry at the stretch.

            Julian had stopped pumping his length, he was now gripping the sheets in both hands. The feeling of Elim between his legs, his strong tongue and thick fingers stretching him open would be too much combined with the stimulation to his cock. He gasped as he felt another finger thrust in and he rocked down towards the sensation with a broken sob.

            “Please, please, I need you in me!” He rasped. Elim gave a last hard thrust of his fingers before slipping them out and kneeling between Julian’s legs. He bent one leg back further to allow him better access. He took his slick prUt in his hand and slid it over Julian’s hole, pressing just shy of penetrating before continuing his teasing, Julian’s hole flickered open and closed in desperation.

            “Oh god, please Elim, just fuck me! I need it so bad, please!”

            The teasing was infuriating, his body burned, ached to be filled. Tears threated to spill from his eyes from sheer need. Elim finally gave in, and thrust in fully. Julian cried out in pain and pleasure at the feeling of the thick length stretching him too quickly. It’s ridges rubbing against his walls, pressing over his prostate. Elim paused for a moment to catch his own breath at the feeling of rapid tightness and heat around his prUt, and to allow Julian a moment to adjust. He brought his hand up and brushed his husband’s sweaty hair from his strained forehead. Elim’s eyes were tender, but there was heat in his gaze. He trailed his hand down Julian’s neck, over his collarbone and down his arm, he pressed his palm, still slick with his own fluids, to his husband’s, leaning down and bringing their hands up he kissed Julian’s wrist, before replacing their joined hands on the mattress up by Julian’s shoulder. Julian’s breathing had slowed slightly and his muscles had relaxed around Elim’s thickness. His eyes urging him to move, Elim did.

            Julian’s back arched at the feel of Elim’s ridges as he pulled out of him, massaging as they went, it was unreal. He shuddered as Elim pushed back in smoothly. Slowly, his thrusts began to increase in pace. Pulling out to the tip every time, each thrust hit against his now swollen prostate, his cock felt heavy and was leaking on his abdomen. Elim’s eyes locked with Julian’s. He panted heavily as Julian’s breaths came staccato with each thrust against his prostate. He was so close, all it would take was a few strokes and he would be coming. He reached down to grasp his length but Elim batted his hand away.

            “I want you to come from just my prUt, I know you can.” He growled.

            Julian wanted to cry, he was balanced precariously on the edge of climax. He brought his hand up tentatively to tweak his sensitive nipples… this was apparently permissible. Elim continued his harsh thrusts, each assault to his prostate brought him closer, closer, closer… Elim brought his free hand up to Julian’s throat, his fingernails lightly scraping across the side of his neck to his Adam’s apple, his palm gripped just below, not enough to cut off his air, but the pressure was intoxicating. His fingers trailed over Julian’s chest and to his hip. He took hold of his hip tightly, and sped his thrusts. This extra stimulation and speed was just what was needed. Julian fell over the edge with a cry. He kept his eyes locked with Elim as he came, his cock pulsed and spilled across his stomach and chest. Elim continued thrusting through his husband’s climax, milking his prostate. Julian whimpered with oversensitivity but Elim was not done. He gave one last thrust before releasing Julian’s hand and pulling his ass firmly to his hips to take him as deeply as he could. Julian’s hole stretched obscenely around the thick base of Elim’s prUt, he began to grind into his husband. Julian whimpered weakly but took all that Elim was giving him. Leaning down over his husband, Elim kissed and nipped at Julian’s neck and where it met his shoulder. Julian brought his arms up and onto Elim’s upper back and shoulders, scratching and massaging his ridges. Elim gasped at his husband’s ministrations. His grip on Julian’s hips tightened and with a bite to Julian’s shoulder to smother his cry he began to pulse into him.

            Julian could feel as Elim spilled hot inside him. The amount was unprecedented, but Elim’s tight hold ensured none was spilled while he remained inside him. He continued grinding for what felt like minutes as he continued to pulse, draining himself into his husband. Finally, with a last hot pulse, he stopped, breathing harshly below Julian’s ear, his harsh breaths cool on his neck as it hit sweat and saliva. Elim’s grip on his hips loosened and Julian allowed his legs to drop onto the mattress, though Elim remained heavy inside him. Julian’s arms fell, one to his side and the other over his eyes, in exhaustion.

            “ _Fuck_ that was good.” He mumbled, still catching his breath. He felt Elim smile against his neck and place a kiss there. They remained like that for a moment before Julian felt Elim’s prUt begin to retreat from him. He gasped in oversensitivity. As it left his body with an audible squelch, Julian shivered at the feeling of a river of semen slipping out behind it and trickling down his cleft and onto the pillow under his hips. Elim moved to the side so that he wouldn’t fully crush Julian as he collapsed. One arm draped over his husband’s sticky, sweaty chest, his torso pressed Julian’s arm into the mattress not entirely comfortably. Elim’s other arm fell off the side of the mattress.

            “We seriously need to take a bath and then change these sheets.” Julian declared tiredly. Elim hummed in agreement half into the mattress, but made no motion to get up. They would need to move eventually, but neither had the energy at the moment, and were content to continue basking in the afterglow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I can't really believe I wrote that. Anyway, let me know your thoughts and as usual if you see any errors or inconsistencies. Again my tumblr is Ds9girlfics and there is a link in my profile, send asks if you like, anon is on and will be unless it is used for evil :P


	4. Chapter 3: Science and Positivity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this will likely be the last chapter for a bit, I'll try not to make it too long but I'm much busier with school and working two jobs now. I'm aiming for two weeks, but could be longer. The next chapter is only 1000 words so far so... yea I want to have a few written again before I start publishing again, I suspect this patter will continue. Anyway, this chapter is a lot of talking, science, medical procedures, anxiety and whatnot. Not my favourite, but a fair of information delivery and medical mumbo jumbo that I enjoyed theorizing. No smut this time, sorry! 
> 
> Chapter warnings:   
> Blood, medical procedures, anxiety . Also just so you know going forward, if content is already tagged, I may not warn in the notes if I feel it spoils the story. Example, there is going to be a miscarriage in this story, I will not warn you when it's going to happen.

The next few weeks of Julian’s life were hectic. On top of his usual duties at the hospital, and as federation ambassador, he spent every free moment with Peldar, fine tuning their procedure plans, and beginning to prepare the implant. This meant late nights, cold dinners and coming home to a sleeping husband. Julian told himself it was worth it, but he was pushing his enhanced body to the limit. It was three weeks before Peldar told him that he needed to step back.

            “I can tell you are exhausted. You have a husband and a family waiting for you, and I know that after you leave here, you go home to a half a dozen transmissions of a diplomatic nature. I want you to take some time to relax before you really take on the role of my patient. I will send you any revisions I make to the procedure, and I will bring you back in if there is something that we missed, but from now on I need you to trust me when I say that you have given all you can and all I need.”

            “I understand where you’re coming from but I think I should remain involved, really it’s not too much trouble, you of all people know I can handle more than the average person.”

            “Bashir, you know I do not like to give orders but as your doctor and as your boss, this is not a request. If you had had a colleague while on Deep Space 9 working themselves to exhaustion and potentially providing less than their best, you would have relieved them of duties, and I know that when you are advising a patient that will be undergoing _invasive elective surgery_ you tell them to make sure their body is as rested and healthy as possible before the procedure date. If I am wrong on both of those points I invite you to stay, but you know that I am not.”

            Julian opened his mouth to argue but found he was too mentally and physically drained to do so. He gave a nod of surrender to Peldar and began packing his bag to head home.   

.

Walking through the door in time for dinner was a welcome change. Elim’s expression of surprise had him smiling weakly as guilt churned at his insides. He pulled him into anshwar. Elim wrapped his arms around Julian’s waist as they stood, and Julian’s hands held his head softly. He breathed in his husband’s scent, and felt the tension in his shoulders relax slightly as he realized how right Peldar had been to send him home. 

 

Sitting down for dinner, he ate in silence as he took in the warmth at the table. Elim was discussing university gossip with Inda, while Dyrum pretended not to eavesdrop. Hasleny and Azoon were talking animatedly, Hasleny trying to explain a concept she had been learning in school to Azoon, who was not quite at the level to understand it. Julian looked over to his husband and smiled; he placed a hand on his thigh giving a light squeeze; Elim turned to him and returned his smile. Azoon interrupted their moment.

“Dr. Bashir, why haven’t you been home for dinner in forever?”

“Azoon, that is rude, you know that Dr. Bashir has a very busy job.” Inda scolded.

“I know, but he always used to be home, and we haven’t seen him in like a month, which is basically forever.”

Inda opened her mouth again to reprimand the boy, but Julian interrupted.

“It’s fine Inda. You’re right Azoon, I haven’t been home very much lately, I’ve been very busy with an important project.” He looked to Elim, raising his eyebrows to ask if he thought now was a good time to discuss their plans, Elim nodded his consent. “It’s a very special project to Elim and I. I’ve been working on how we can have a baby.” Azoon looked at him in shock and Hasleny was smiling wide. Dyrum looked confused, he was the first to speak up.

 “How? You’re both men, is that even possible?”

“Dyrum, if it were impossible I doubt that we’d be having this conversation.” Inda admonished, and Dyrum looked embarrassedly at his plate. Julian chuckled.

“Inda is correct Dyrum, it is possible. It’s more common on Earth and on several other federation worlds, but sparing the details, I will have surgery that will allow me to become pregnant, we will mix part of me and part of Elim to make an embryo…” _really a zygote but that was semantics, if all went well it would become an embryo anyway_.

“What’s an embryo?” Azoon interrupted again.

“It’s like a baby before it’s a baby, when it’s still inside the adik… or err… yadik? It’s really, really small.” Hasleny explained to Azoon and Julian smiled.

“That’s basically correct. Anyway, once we make the embryo it will be put inside me where it will grow until it has developed enough to be born, and then Dr. Peldar will perform another surgery to take the baby out. All of this is going to be starting in the next few weeks, but it might not work the first time, we’ll have to wait and see. Do you guys have any questions?”

“Can you make sure the baby is a girl? There are already too many boys in this house.” Hasleny was quick to request, prompting laughs from everyone but Azoon, who piped up with the opposite request.

“No, we can’t make sure it is a boy or a girl, you’ll just have to accept whatever we get.” Julian responded.

They of course _could_ choose that if they wished, but he and Elim had already decided to be surprised, and the sex didn’t matter to them, therefore, the children didn’t need to know.

* * *

            Julian was insane, that was the only conclusion Elim could reach as he reviewed the padd detailing his husband’s plan to carry their child. Julian sat in front of him cross-legged in middle of their bed, he was babbling about how this had never been done before on Cardassia, how their child would be the first cardassian-human hybrid, how he and Peldar could publish a paper… Peldar was also insane. From a purely logical standpoint as far as Elim could tell, the plan was of course very good. The procedure was well thought out and the risks were all within acceptable margins. Elim had no doubt that Julian would be successful if he executed the procedure himself. Only Julian would not perform the procedure, Peldar would, and Elim had never trusted Peldar less.

            “Julian, I’m beginning to rethink this.” Elim interrupted. Julian’s mouth shut, his lips were pressed in a hard line, his eyes were hard and confused.

            “What exactly are you rethinking?” he asked, his tone was guarded.

            “Perhaps we should revisit the topic of adoption.” Elim suggested cautiously.

            “Elim I don’t understand. You were on board with this less than an hour ago. You have been on board for weeks, or at least I thought you were.” His voice was beginning to raise in annoyance.

            “That was before I read this _procedure outline_ of yours. It seems very complex, the risks you outlined are numerous. Are we sure that this is something Peldar will be able to do?” Elim raised his voice slightly to match Julian’s.      

            “Peldar has done a very similar procedure on half a dozen cardassian women since the assault, and there have been no complications. You already know that.”

            “She has never done this on a human male! I’m sure it’s different!” Elim winced at the weak argument, he held the rebuttal in his own hand.

            “No, but _I_ have done a similar procedure and we’ve gone over it together. Besides, it’s not as unalike as you would think, the anatomy of the abdominal cavity isn’t that different between a cardassian and a human, and the implantation will be more straight forward than with a female because we’re not integrating it with an existing reproductive system, just vasculature. We’re both confident that she can perform the procedure, you know that Peldar is an excellent doctor.” Julian didn’t understand where this was coming from, in his mind, he reviewed the information on the padd Elim was holding. The risk was minimal, the procedure was clear, the comparisons were sound. There was no reason for Elim to doubt it.

            “That is all very well and good, but she has never… you’re not just…” Elim was suddenly quiet. His breath was coming quickly, his grip on the padd was tight, and his gaze was desperate. All at once Julian understood. He took the padd from Elim and set it on the bedside table. He moved beside him and took Elim’s hand in his own, bringing their joined hands to press against his chest.

“Just take deep breaths, match my breathing.” He instructed calmly. Together they breathed until Julian felt Elim’s pulse slow to a reasonable pace, and saw the panic recede from his eyes, embarrassment taking its place. He brought Elim’s hand up and pressed a kiss to his husband’s palm. He only then allowed himself to move closer and run his other hand through Elim’s hair.

“I would not put myself into any unnecessary situation if I thought there was _any reasonable_ _chance_ that it would take me from you and our life. You’re stuck with me.”  He said with a smile, his voice quiet but filled with fierce sincerity. 

Elim’s eyes closed as he took a final shuddering breath before speaking.

“I apologize for my momentary attack. I’m finding it hard to put your life in someone else’s hands.”

“Don’t apologize, I understand that. I’m sure that if the positions were reversed I would be feeling the same way.” _Though there was no way he wouldn’t be involved in Elim’s care if that situation arose,_ Julian thought before continuing. “Just know that I trust Peldar _almost_ as much as I trust you.”

“Your trust in me is still ill-advised.” Elim attempted to joke but his voice was still raw. Julian rolled his eyes.

“Well I’m too far in now.” He murmured as he pulled Elim toward him and settled partially against the headboard. Elim wrapped an arm around Julian’s bare torso and laid his head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart.

* * *

             Julian’s forced work reduction was proving more enjoyable than he’d admit to Peldar. While classes were in full swing now as they were solidly into autumn, Elim was only on campus a few days a week at most. With Julian only working 30 hours a week or fewer, and the district being rather calm for the time being, the couple had more time together than they were accustomed to lately.

            It was an unusually warm day for the season. He and Julian were lounging in the hammock strung up in their back yard, clouds floating by, visible through the sparse branches of the jO’chua tree above them. Elim would have still found the day too cool for his liking, but with his warm husband pressed against him, he had no complaints. Julian was lazily reviewing his transmissions, both from federation officials as well as the latest notes from Peldar. Elim was engrossed in a book of hebitian poetry he had found tucked away in a closet, apparently having been misplaced when they had unpacked the library.

            Julian placed the padd on his chest and rolled to read the page Elim was currently on.

            “Any good?” he asked.

            “Better than expected, you should read it after I have completed it.”

            “Well I will certainly have time, Peldar says that everything is nearly ready, we should be able to begin next week if I check out as healthy and nothing goes wrong before then.” He said with a smile. He could feel Elim’s heart pounding in his chest. He placed a kiss to his clothed shoulder. Elim set his book down and brought his arms around his husband.

“Alright, I’ve read every outline and adjustment that Peldar has sent you, I know what to expect theoretically, but what will the day actually look like?”

“Well, I will not have eaten for twelve hours so I will be cranky, we will likely head to the hospital in the morning where I will be prepped, you can stay with me for most of that, then they will take me in. As you know it could take up to ten hours, but hopefully I’ll be out in five. I’ll probably stay for observation overnight, you _will_ go home and get a good night’s sleep because then you get to take care of me for the following few days before we begin prepping for the next step. I’ll be demanding you wait on me hand and foot, just so you know.” He finished with a smile.

“I will do so with pleasure my dear.”

“I know you will.”

They sat in silence for a moment as the hammock continued to rock, a cool breeze rustled the branches above them, Elim shivered and Julian moved closer in response.

“You know my fears ss’avi, and I’m doing my best to keep them at bay, but how are you feeling about this? I know you hate being the patient.” Elim asked after some time.

            “I do... I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. As much as I have confidence in Peldar and know all will be fine in the end. I’m not looking forward to being out of control, weak and sore…” he frowned for a moment, then looked up to meet Elim’s eyes and smiled. “but then I remind myself of the end goal, and everything is worth it.” 

* * *

 

            Elim sat in the waiting room, it had been a few hours since they had wheeled Julian into the surgical suite. He was currently trying to read an old copy of a lesser known enigma tale, but the words wouldn’t focus in front of his eyes. He set the book down and stood up. Stretching his back, he walked over to the window and looked out on the scenery outside the two-story building. Sparse trees, buildings nearly repaired, summer flowers still clinging to life. He sighed and turned back to the room, returning to his vigil. He closed his eyes, leaning his arms on his knees, he pressed his thumbs below his eyeridges, massaging the bundles of nerves located there, trying to ease the tension in his brow.

 

            Elim blinked bleary eyed, apparently awoken by the sound of running feet. The first set of doors to the operating bay swung open as the nurse ran in, he could hear alarms beeping wildly inside. His pulse began to race as he walked towards the door. Yelled orders, the clatter of instruments, footfalls, a steady tone.

 

He couldn’t breathe.

 

            Dr. Peldar emerged from the room, her hands were covered in blood, Julian’s blood. Her face was somber.

            “I’m sorry Garak, we did all we could. There’s no way we could have predicted this.”

            The walls were closing in, the room was tilting, there was not enough air, the lights were too bright. He could hear Tain’s words mocking him. _How could you have been so foolish, you never deserved this life. Sentiment is your greatest weakness, look where it has gotten you!_

            He stumbled backwards.

 

Everything was gone.

.

            Elim’s eyes snapped open, his heart was beating rapidly as he took in his surroundings. He was at home, in their bedroom. The clock on the bedside table read _0417h_. Beside him he could see Julian’s blanket covered form. He reached out a hand and lightly laid it on his hip, solidifying to himself that this was real. Julian was alive. It had only been a dream. At the touch, his pulse slowed slightly but the fear he had been feeling for weeks, that he had thought he had under control had heightened. His hand on Julian’s hip tightened by reflex, and Julian shifted.

            “Elim?” his voice was heavy with sleep, his eyes blinked groggily. “Are you okay?”

            “Yes, of course, just a somewhat disconcerting dream, go back to sleep my dear.” He did his best to sound calm. Julian, unconvinced, rolled over, his brow was slightly tight but sleep was still in his features. He placed a hand to Elim’s face, feeling the side of his neck in the process.

            “Your heart is racing love.” He murmured with concern. Elim’s eyes closed, they stung with the threat of tears of relief, and fear at Julian’s touch, but he forced them back.

            “Like I said ss’avi, troubling dream, nothing you need to worry about now.”

            Julian frowned, but let it go for the moment. He leaned forward into anshwar briefly, pulling away with a last stroke to Elim’s cheek bone. His hand set back on the mattress, he remained on his side facing Elim, but sleep reclaimed him.

            Elim resituated himself on his back and stared at the ceiling, counting his breaths he willed himself, through training not meant for this situation, to relax back into a fitful sleep.

 

Tomorrow would be difficult.

* * *

 

            When Peldar stepped into the waiting area, Elim felt a sick wave of déja vu hit him. He stood, bracing himself for his fears to be confirmed, but she approached with a small smile.

            “Everything went exactly as we planned. Julian is still sedated and Nurse Noran is setting him up in a private room. You can see him in a moment. He will likely be in and out of consciousness for the next few hours, and will probably want to sleep after that. While I doubt he’ll remember if you’re there, I also doubt you could stay away from his side.” She finished with a look of mock reproach, but a smile tugged at her lips.

Garak gave his thanks with a nod, not in the headspace to entertain her familiar teasing. She led him to Julian’s room and motioned for him to wait outside the doors while she stepped in, a minute later she returned and informed him he could enter.

Julian was lying on the bed, his features peaceful, an IV delivered fluids into his left arm. The monitors beeped steadily. Elim took a seat by his bedside, taking his free hand in both of his. The warmth of his husband’s skin like a balm on his frayed nerves, he settled in to wait.

As Peldar had predicted, Julian regained consciousness several times.

The first, he squeezed Elim’s hand and smiled slightly before he was lost again.

The fourth time he looked at Elim with a dopey smile and mumbled something about his eyes being pretty like the sky. Elim quirked an eyeridge unsure what to say to that, but Julian was out again before he could respond.

It had been over two hours when Julian opened his eyes with real awareness. Looking at Elim he smiled softly.

“Hi.” His voice was just above a whisper and somewhat hoarse. Elim took the cup of water that had been left by a nurse, and held it to his husband’s lips, supporting Julian’s upper chest and neck as he did so. He slowly lowered him down when he was finished, not missing the wince as Julian’s recently regenerated abdominal muscles flexed for the first time. Once he was settled, Elim retook his hand.

“Did everything go alright?” Julian asked, still sounding drowsy, but not hoarse. Elim nodded the affirmative.

“Just as you predicted love.”

“See, told you there was nothing to worry about.”

“Yes, the hard part of this whole ordeal is _truly_ over.”

“You’re _so_ optimistic.”

“One of us has to be.”

“Don’t make me laugh it hurts.”

.

            Julian did force him home for the night as he had promised, though neither slept well. In the morning, Elim returned to the hospital to collect his husband. They forced him to use an archaic wheelchair (all that was available) to leave the hospital, much to his annoyance and Elim’s mirth. Peldar reminded him that it was hospital policy for surgical patients, _as he well knew_. Though as he stood to walk to their vehicle, his body protested and a part of him wished he could have stayed in the chair.

            Elim supported Julian firmly as they made their way up the stairs and to their bedroom. He eased into bed and let out a deep breath when he was able to relax into the pillows Elim had propped up for him.

            “I know that this is mainly bruising and muscle stiffness thanks to modern medicine, but I can’t shake the feeling that my insides are about to fall out.”

            Elim looked at him in alarm.

            “They’re not.” Julian quickly assured “I’ll be right as rain in a few days and then we get to head back to the hospital to _give samples_.”

            “Lovely.” Julian laughed at his husband’s grimace.

            Elim laid down beside him, gingerly wrapping an arm around his waist and placed a hand on his thigh. Julian rested his head on Elim’s shoulder. After nearly two days of not being able to properly hold his husband, this was a relief.

            “My dear, I must say it will be much appreciated to have you back in our bed tonight. I did not sleep well apart from you when you were in such a state.”

            “I have to agree, despite the fact we’ve been apart longer, part of me regretted sending you home for the night.” Julian reached over and flipped Elim’s hand to grip it palm to palm, interlocking their fingers.

            “I guess I’ll have to stay after the next procedure.” Elim suggested, but Julian was having none of it.

            “Not a chance, I don’t want both of us out of commission because you mess up your back trying to sleep in a hospital chair. Besides, if all goes well, I won’t have to spend another night in the hospital, everything else is much less invasive.” _Unless something goes wrong, unless it doesn’t work_ , the words are left unsaid and heavy in the air, neither wish to voice them to the other.

            “Good, with nights getting cooler, I would miss your warmth.”

            “I swear that is the only reason you married me.”

            “Naturally.” Even as he teased, his eyes were tender and he pressed his lips to Julian’s hair, his hand tightening its grip on his husband’s.

* * *

 

            The days did not pass quickly for either man. Despite Julian’s earlier warnings that he would be requiring Elim to wait on him hand in foot, Elim more often found himself forcing Julian back to bed to rest.

            “I am not an invalid! I’ve been more sore after a particularly tough game of tennis!” He complained, playing down his condition of course.

            “Yes, well when you play tennis you don’t have your body cut open and a foreign object placed inside.” Elim repeated, this argument and its variants were getting old.

            “It’s hardly foreign, Peldar and I were meticulous, my body will recognize the implant as 100% Julian Bashir.”

            “That is hardly the point my dear.”

            Julian harrumphed and pouted against his pillows turning away from his husband. Elim sat down on the side of the bed.

            “Would you like me to continue reading to you my dear?”

            “No.” Julian grumbled, well aware he was acting like a child.

            “Very well, you can stay up here and pout, I’ll go see if Azoon wants to have a more mature conversation.” Elim got up and headed towards the door.

            “Wait… can you get me kukalaka?”  Julian asked.

            Elim rolled his eyes and handed him the scruffy bear. “Any other requests?”

            “Nope!” he popped, and settled in for a nap. “We’ll be quite fine without you.”

            Elim left the room, trying not to be irrationally jealous of a stuffed toy.

.

            Downstairs, Elim collapsed onto the couch, he leaned his head against the backrest and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Inda walked into the room taking in the sight.

            “How is our patient?”

            “As cooperative as ever.”

            “Did you really expect anything less from him?”

            “I really should not have, yet he lead me to believe otherwise.” He sighed. “We have hardly started this process, but I can already see he will be a _pleasure_ to live with for the remainder of it.”

            “He is just bored and feeling useless, you know that as well as I. Though I’m sure the hormones he is taking don’t help. It won’t be that way for most of this. Just now, and at the end.”

            Elim hummed his agreement. “I can’t very well be upset with him, he’s sore and tired and he’s doing it all for us,” he resituated himself properly on the couch “if this is my cross to bear then I will do so without further complaint.”

Inda looked at him in confusion.

“Human adage.” 

“It very well may be, but I sincerely doubt this will be your last complaint. Though having watched my mother while she was pregnant with Azoon and Hasleny, I suggest not letting Julian hear you complain.” 

Elim chuckled. “As I have said my dear, your insight in this department _is_ appreciated.”

* * *

 Elim left his _specimen_ cup with Peldar, she looked a fair bit more professional than he was feeling. Both he and Julian had to provide their sperm samples as well as have stem cells taken from them. The latter was a less awkward, but more painful experience. Peldar was then going to reprogram the stem cells to act as an equivalent of female gametes, some of the only genetic reprogramming allowed by the federation. Julian assured him the procedure was quite common, but Elim had never seen the evidence to back up his claim in his time in exile, and it certainly was _not_ common on Cardassia. The zygotes would then grow for three days before Peldar would sample for serious genetic defects. Once the viable zygotes were identified, one would be transferred into Julian and the rest would be put into stasis until they were either needed again, or the couple decided to have them destroyed.

            He passed Julian’s office but the door was shut, and knowing Julian, that either meant he was _really_ into his research and unwilling to be disturbed, even by his husband, or, he was somewhere else in the hospital treating patients. Either was fine and Elim made his way out of the hospital, hoping this was the only time he would have to _give a sample_ during this process.

* * *

 

            The day of the zygote transfer, both men were distracted. Julian was switching between nerves and excitement, while Elim tried to push _another_ dream to the back of his mind, despite knowing this part was even less risky than the previous. They walked, hands joined, from the garage towards the hospital. Julian babbled in his nervousness.

            “I’m trying not to think like this is a huge deal, but it is you know? Not the procedure itself of course, though I won’t say that I’m exactly looking forward to a needle being shoved into my abdomen. I won’t feel it of course, but this would be much easier if I were a woman, easy two-way door. Though I guess we wouldn’t be doing this if I were a woman… or maybe we would, I _am_ in my late thirties. Though did you know that fertility doesn’t really drop as much as many think from your late twenties to your late thirties? Especially now with advances in medicine, it’s not really as difficult as it once was. Of course, male fertility never really drops much, though the risk of birth defects does increase, not for us though, at least none of the more serious ones. All scanned for. But anyway, the point is it is a big deal, right? This could be us starting our little family today. Not that Inda and the children aren’t family of course, but this is us, this is blood. Though I shouldn’t get my hopes too high, the likelihood of this working the first time is only about 30 percent. In vitro fertilization has definitely improved since its advent, but you can’t fight biology, and our biology will likely try to put up a fight…” he trailed off as they entered the hospital, taking a breath as they crossed over the threshold, he continued more quietly, nerves outweighing his excitement for the moment. “I’m really trying not to hope too much, but the idea that this might not work is already weighing on me.”

            “My dear, while I normally disparage of your excessive optimism, I think your faith in a _positive mindset_ will come in useful for this process.”

            Julian squeezed his hand. “I’ll try if you will.”

            “Though it is against my nature, I will do my best for you.”

.

            Elim was allowed in for this procedure, though as he watched Peldar produce a needle roughly the length of his own hand, he doubted whether he wanted to watch. Julian was not under any anesthesia save for a topical spray.

            “Alright Bashir, you’ll feel some pressure but likely no pain as you know.”

            She refocused her monitor to see her target, positioned the needle and pressed in quickly and precisely. Julian did indeed wince at the pressure and squeezed Elim’s hand as his mind told him it _should_ hurt, but no pain came. Elim felt slightly light headed at the sight of the thick needle piercing his husband’s skin, sinking deeper, but he remained standing. The plunger was pressed and the clear fluid, and one microscopic cluster of cells, were transferred into Julian. Peldar slowly removed the needle, ran a dermal regenerator over the small dot of blood, and it was done.

            “There we are, as you know, you should remain here for about 30 minutes to allow things to settle and to assure that there is no bleeding, but then you’re free to go.” She smiled at the pair and with a nod, left them to themselves.

            “It’s quite strange, I don’t really feel any different… I feel like I should.”

            Elim made a noise of agreement and squeezed his hand. He took a seat by the exam table now that he would not be in Peldar’s way.

            “Now all there is to do is wait and see.”

            “Positive thoughts.” Julian reminded him.

            “Of course, my dear.” Though he tried, they were not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go, like I said, not my favourite. Check out my tumblr for updates, link on my profile, but as said, it will be a bit of a wait for the next chapter :)


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